I-I think I was just propositioned by a married couple—COMPLETE STRANGERS—for a threesome. What? What. The. Fuck.
After I decided to nail down my sexuality in words for a dating site, I started to get stupid shit like this. One person I went out with, as our date finished, told me his girlfriend says I’m very cute and; “When would you feel comfortable meeting her?” Another openly questioned me as to weather or not I “did the polygamist thing” AKA, maintained a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time. And then there is the always present, “So you’re just gay for girls when dudes are around, right?”
I am so sick of the stigma of bisexuality, which is why I never wanted to label myself in the first place. Fucking dating is bullshit.
“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That’s why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It’s not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won’t get mad because it glows in the dark too.”—Mitch Hedberg (via bastardfromabasket)
“I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, “Please try again.” because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. “Come on Mitchell, don’t give up!” An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”—Mitch Hedberg (via bastardfromabasket)
“A lot of times I drive, like, for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the EMERGENCY brake. It’s really not an “emergency brake”, it’s an “emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.”—Mitch Hedberg (via bastardfromabasket)